Self-resolution steps

Be sure to use these steps in the order they are listed. While self-resolution techniques offer many benefits, not every conflict will be resolved with this method. If the self-resolution techniques don't resolve the conflict, contact your Education Minnesota field representative for more help.

Step 1: What is conflict?

Conflict can be defined or described in numerous ways:

Two or more persons, ideas or things attempting to occupy the same space at the same time
Inevitable or certain to happen
Seldom resolved or ended, but can be successfully managed

Conflict can come from several sources:

Scarce resources or lack of resources (e.g., time, money, people, materials)
Unmet expectations
Unclear or differing goals or values
Lack of role clarity (i.e., whose job is it?)
Differing methods or styles

A conflict arises when people feel angry, perceive the other as being at fault, or act in ways that are inappropriate to the workplace, causing a problem.

Step 2: Identifying what is bothering you

Immediately after an incident that bothers you, write down everything you are upset about and all your thoughts about what happened.
Give yourself 24 hours to think about what happened as a cooling-off period. Often, you see a situation in a new light once you have had a chance to "sleep on it."
After your 24-hour cooling-off period, look at your initial writing and decide what the core issues are that bother you and write these down again. Separate these issues from the anger you may have felt in the heat of the moment.

After reviewing your list of issues, decide if you still need to approach your co-worker.

Step 3: Approaching a co-worker

If you still feel you need to approach your coworker, invite the other person to talk and let him or her know what you want to talk about. Keep the following in mind:

Communicate in a way that facilitates a problem-solving and caring climate.
Be open. Do not withdraw from the conflict.
Approach your co-worker when he/she is alone, not in the presence of third parties.
If he/she agrees to talk, use the agreement to talk as a start; both parties have already agreed on something.

Step 4: Talking to a co-worker

Once you have agreed to meet, think about the following points. Remember, the goal is to arrive at a solution that allows you to manage the conflict.

Think about working together. Think in terms of "we" rather than "I" versus "you."
Try to keep in mind the long-term relationship with your co-worker. Regardless of the outcome, keep in mind that you will still have to work with this person.
Create a dialogue aimed at problem-solving. This will be more likely to result in a mutual agreement. You should prepare for the discussion, including preparing and rehearsing an opening statement. Ideally, your co-worker will do the same to make the interaction as positive as possible.
Be prepared to listen and clarify your perceptions. Remember that an effective conflict resolution will require both of you to listen to each other.
Focus on your individual as well as your shared needs. Be concerned about meeting your co-worker's needs as well as your own. When you take the time to look, often you will find that individuals have the same needs and goals.

These four steps may help you frame your conversation with your co-worker:

Each party states the conflict from his or her point of view
Each party recognizes concerns and feelings of the other person.
Each party proposes possible resolutions and seeks one resolution acceptable to both.
Each party agrees upon the final resolution and steps to take if resolution breaks apart.

Step 5: Additional tips for talking to a co-worker

Be sure to apologize for any wrongdoing you may have done. You need to "own" any mistakes you may have made.
Be prepared to listen and clarify your perceptions. Here are some ways to do this: sort out the parts of the conflict, ask what it is about, avoid old conflicts, get to the heart of the matter, avoid side issues, and clarify what values are involved and how each party feels about those values.
Look to the future and learn from the past. Do not dwell on past conflicts. Instead, try to understand what happened in the past so that you may avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Generate options that are workable for all parties involved. If there are disagreements on options, set those options aside, and focus on options that seem most workable.
Make mutually beneficial agreements that will give both parties lasting solutions to existing conflicts. Write down your agreement if possible.

Step 6: Conclusion

Even though self-resolution techniques offer many benefits, they might not always be successful for every situation. The conflict might continue if the self-resolution phase does not lead to complete closure on the issue.

If you need more help, contact your Education Minnesota field representative about assigning a conflict facilitator to your dispute.